Fighting Two Diseases At Once

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by choosing an entry in the archived items at the right of this post. Thank you for visiting!

            

The most accurate statement regarding my treatment for the reoccurrence of my breast cancer would be this:  chemo and radiation nearly killed me. Because the larger tumor wasn't cleared through the first four months of chemo, my treatment sessions were extended by two months. I had to take an eight week break before continuing the chemo to allow my body to regroup. Boy did we enjoy those two months! I resumed my sessions in late September. As if I wasn't sick enough already, around the middle of October I began experiencing a few new side effects of the chemo, or what I thought were side effects. I was having migraines nearly every day, I couldn't control my body temperature at all - going from way low to extremely high in a matter of minutes. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep (although I was completely and totally exhausted all of the time) and I couldn't sit completely upright because I didn't have enough strength to hold myself up. I couldn't walk up the stairs without stopping three or four times to rest, I was dizzy most of the day and my heart would race so fast I swore it was going to burst through my chest. I couldn't open my eyes at times because they were on fire, I couldn't close them at times because they were so dry it felt like someone was rubbing sandpaper over them.  And for the first time since beginning chemo, I had no will to get out of bed. After two weeks of this my doctors conferred and decided it was time for a spinal tap. Something was going terribly wrong.

That something was a blood infection, a rare one at that. I still laugh at myself when I think about my reaction to their diagnosis. "CJ, you have Aplastic Anemia", said Dr. K. "Oh, that's all?! Thank God, I thought I was going to die!", said me, chuckling. "Well CJ, to be completely forthcoming with you, this disease is not an easy one to fight and as your body is already compromised, we have some grave concerns.", said Dr. K with a daunting look on her face. All the while she was talking I just kept thinking - what's the big deal? I mean come on! Millions of people have anemia; I'll just up my iron intake. I had dealt with this when I was pregnant with Dawson, it wasn't a big deal. But it was a big deal, actually was even a bigger deal than the cancer at that point. The reality sank in as Dr. K explained to me what Aplastic Anemia was and what it meant for me. All of my doctors agreed that I was in this predicament because of the prolonged chemo. To keep it simple, Aplastic Anemia means that your bone marrow is caput - not producing the platelets, white blood cells, etc. - those vital microscopic bubbles that allow us to live. 

The good: a bone marrow or stem cell transplant would surely reverse the blood infection. The bad: I was no where near strong enough to live through the surgery.

Here's the thing: I had NEVER allowed myself to even come anywhere close to thinking that breast cancer would kill me. It just wasn't an option and I knew in the deepest part of me that I was going to be just fine; that cancer would NOT take me away from my wonderful life, my beautiful family and all of the fantastic moments that were yet to come. And now someone was telling me that yet another disease may steal everything that I had been fighting all year long to keep, to protect. And for the first time in my entire battle with cancer, I looked up and I said, "Why me?"

To be continued....

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A side note (AWARENESS):

Every time I sit down to write a new post, I find that I am blank. I stare at the screen with my fingers poised to start typing but nothing comes. So I'll walk away, do a few chores, run a few errands and then come back to the computer later the same day, sure that a little break would have relieved my clouded mind. Not so much. So I'll leave it be and come back the next day to start the process all over again. I continue to do this until Tuesday comes and I realize that I really need to have something to put on the blog the very next morning. So as I sat at my desk yesterday staring at a blank screen, I wondered why. It's obvious that once something comes to mind I'm able to let it all go, so why is it so hard to figure out how to start? Maybe it's that there is so much to tell and I want to tell it in the most open and truthful manner, but all the while I'm afraid that I won't convey what I'm trying to say well enough or that my story won't be powerful enough for people to want to stay connected. After all, my purpose for this blog is to spread awareness and if I'm not doing a good enough job at writing it then my goal of getting people connected enough to want to share or become involved is failing and this cause is something I can't fail. My personal experiences with breast cancer is all I have to share as it is all I can honestly speak to. I don't share the pain that this disease caused my family and myself to get attention for us, I share the pain because I pray it will get attention for the cause. Please know that I don't judge others for not being involved or staying involved, alas I was one of those people before being struck with cancer. I would participate in the annual Relay for Life but that is where my involvement began and ended. It wasn't until I was dealing first hand with cancer that I realized the enormous impact it has on this world. And so here I am again, continuing my blog, merely hoping and praying that sharing my story will influence others to want to learn more about someone else's story.

***Please remember my mission: The Hartford Breast Cancer Ride***

Fundraising Goal:  $1500.00

Donations Received:  850.87

57% of goal

(Donations can be made online by following the link on this page or by mailing a check made payable to “Breast Cancer Ride”, Charity “CJ” Bartels, P.O. Box 425, Cambridge, MN 55008)

PLEASE remember: even if you can't donate, spread the word and make people aware - cancer is still killing adults and children at an alarming rate. We all CAN make a difference!

***Training miles***

Week One:  85 miles – DONE!

Week Two:  90 miles – DONE!

Week Three:  95 miles - DONE!

Week Four:  100 miles | 41 done as of 3/16/2011